Just Happy

I feel a version of happiness that I never thought existed. I feel a desperate need to soak in every iota of my life right now. Every smile from my boys, even all the baby meltdowns – because I cherish that I know they are coming when they come. I am in love with instinctually knowing what they need and how they feel. I am amused by and in awe of the predictability of spending every day in a baby routine being juxtaposed with the chaos of it. I am amazed that after living 32 years having countless high expectations lead to being letdown I dreamed of being a mom and the reality has exceeded every possible expectation. I am utterly astounded by the STILL growing love, respect and admiration I have for my husband after having him by my side for the scariest of moments then watching him effortlessly morph into a father. Though the weaker parts of me are scared of going back to work and horrified at the thought of not JUST being a mom 24/7, the stronger side guides me towards appreciating every moment of these last two weeks by allowing me to put aside the anxiety and be. just. happy.

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